I can’t tell if the person in front of me is laughing or crying
I went to a music festival called Fed Up Fest, by and for Chicago queercore punks. There were workshops, and vegan cupcakes, and support liasons, and there was a garden and the third day was at a nonprofit. It was a place where I felt especially whole yet charged up to be better. Safe & full of potential like a child. While there I thought of my brother’s Jehovah’s Witness conferences- how they must have felt exactly like this. “I feel saved, we are surely saving the world.”
I met Spaghetti at the fest. We danced a bit we felt a connection we went out on the town, sitting on the grass Spaghetti relayed to me how judged they felt by (some of?) the other organizers of Fed Up Fest because they weren’t punk enough or the right kind of punk – just outside of Jehovah’s range, right? I had written “and isn’t just love itself?” on my arm
Native foods & Atheism
I’m with Jesse in Indiana. No alcohol sales on Sunday, we talk about how cultures make up rules that calcify. I think about hip-hop, “dead” genres of music. Poetry slam. Cultures make & fulfill their own prophecies, have enemies & when people get together the high divine, the songs gospel. It’s just the sharing of information tho.
another essay about love
I go spend some money at a coffee shop, they play some music I deeply relate to. It feels special. It’s not special.
I go to Native Foods they play a song I deeply relate to, there is no god, love is just a chemical reaction that helps us mate, our experiences are shaped by our brain power, there can’t be a heaven if i have Alzheimer’s, if a fungus can take my brain from me, my personality, which personality? when i’m 19 and write my best songs because of my low self esteem? when i’m 24 and dying? when i’m a zygote? so malleable, when we die we die, when i’m funny because i’m afraid which me slave me only charming to you because you fit my cultural mating patterns i like your body shape and your clear skin that’s why i saved your life
We pretend that the aesthetics of our cultures are more than they are worth because capitalism makes it illegal to eat, sleep, and learn for free. We derive a context of meaning from Jesus, or Yeezus, or drugs, or rehab because money makes everything worthless. Post-that, when we have present-freedom, that is when meaning will be real again, for the first time.