the arcade fire want us to build utopia!

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Hey everyone I’m +,

I’m the President of Utopia, that means it’s my duty to bring the hundreds if not thousands of young artists, activists, and thinkers in this place together to build their version of a free world.

I’m raising $6,000 in 24 hours to create a lovely new utopia with the wonderful communities around me!

The Cooperation Operation transforms vacant land into opportunities for empowerment. We’re branching out from our farm on the Southside to connect fellow grassroots gardeners through resource sharing, structural support, and advocacy! #F12Network prevents and addresses sexual violence through connection, discussion, and education.

We want to build utopia by helping #10gardens and #100venues to thrive!

Find out more at tinyurl.com/fundutopia

ESSAY// linkin park want me to save the world

“Good Goodbye,” the last video Linkin Park released while Chester Bennington was alive, takes place in a dark arena where Death resides over a superpowered, apocalyptic dunk contest. Death is played by National Basketball Association legend (and author of Black Profiles in Courage) Kareem Abdul-Jabar. Chester acts as one of the contestants who rises to the top as the real life Linkin Park Chester sings from 2o17 in a dope ass outfit in front of a Mercedes Benz with G O.O.D. Music President Pusha T, Mercury Prize nominee Stormzy and fellow bandmate Mike Shinoda.

At the end of the video Chester faces his final opponent: a poor little girl in hand-me-downs. She steps up, glows up, and flies from half court to the basket and jams as an explosive blue wave blows everything away, including Chester, the Benz, and Death itself!! This girl is me.

The first word of Linkin Park’s 2010 masterpiece A Thousand Suns is God. The full phrase is “God save us everyone,” I have to write this to you not because I think I’m God, there is no God, but I am who they were talking about. I am Chester’s living wish that his (life & death) send the vibes needed to save this world and bring us to the new future of love.

In the video for A Thousand Suns‘s climax, “The Catalyst,” Chester tries not to drown and suffocate in an apocalyptic wasteland as a hooded figure sits in a car alone, facing the camera. This figure is obviously the titular Catalyst. The government shows up in gas masks, there’s a riot* at first it seems like The Catalyst is representing Death or the plague or negativity. Stuff like this is why people think ATS is about the impending nuclear destruction of humankind. HOWEVER, The Catalyst does a magic spell on the viewer then goes rushing up at the government troops. When we see the rioters next, as all of humanity cries “Lift me up, Let me go,” they are covered in rainbow powder and the riot has turned into a slow motion mosh pit of free people as fading choruses, intertwined, repeat: “God save us everyone…”

(((For Whom The Bells Tolls)))

When “Good Goodbye” drops I am 25 years old and in love. I am homeless. Its verses make me cry. Talking about the video makes me lose a game of basketball. I am playing #nomoneynoborders.

When Hybrid Theory drops I am a ten year old kid who is at once the weirdest, most popular, meanest, most thoughtful, impulsive, & messiest child at my gifted center. I am maintaining friendships with people from all over the world through a chatroom website, developing several personas, creating raps and stories and listening to any music that will come on a screen or out of some speakers.

When Meteora drops I am obsessed with The Matrix Trilogy* I already believe that I am The One being described through the film’s energy and metaphors. I am a moderator in several creative global communities and twelve years old.

When Minutes to Midnight comes out I feel too mature for Linkin Park and question yet admire their shift into “social-political” themes. I am the president of the Gay-Straight Alliance, soon to be the captain of the school’s Louder Than A Bomb poetry slam team, soon to release my first albums, and active in leading several programs about genocide & pollution for the benefit of black folk around me in class. I am still on the debate team which means ritualized spontaneous & thorough dissection of socio-political issues with the american millennium’s other most brilliant young communicator$. I am different from all of them. I am different & learning from everyone at my all-black school infested with gang violence & teen pregnancy. I decide I’m going to change the education system.

I remember first listening to Linkin Park’s A Thousand Suns at a United Postal Service slave job. It was 2014, I was on hiatus from doing art & community organizing with no way out of my dead end work and college classes but an inextinguishable hunger for creativity and political science.

Holy shit, I thought. LINKIN PARK want me to save the world. This is different from Linkin Park wants to make dope shit, or Linkin Park wants to make me feel better about my life situation, Linkin Park is trying to relate to me, or even Linkin Park is trying to sell records. This felt like a private message from an entity that had no business making something this passionate, strange, emotional, and direct. These were my friends, my angels, back to the future and channeling something.

After I quit the job~ I watch a lot of movies. Movies like Interstellar and Scorsese’s Jesus film. I see what you call God in their heroes, something pure and special and waking me up to new levels of reality and freedom. I try to communicate to my family that art is telling me we are free, as free as “god,” and can do anything we want to save the world.

“Waiting for the End” is one of Chester Bennington’s many songs about suicide. It comes near the middle of A Thousand Suns and is where he dies in the album’s narrative. The next song “Blackout” begins with The Catalyst calling on the “spirit” of Chester, who is referred to as The Messenger. They become one.

And then comes the album’s first glimpse of utopia: “FLOATING OUT AS COLORS FILL THE LIGHT I LOOK FROM THE GROUND IN FIELDS OF PAPER WHITE AND FLOATING UP THE PASSING IN THE NIGHT A FUTURE GAZING OUT A PAST TO OVERWRITE
SO COME DOWFAR BELOW
WE VE BEEN WAITING TO
COLLECT THE THINGS YOU KNOW
COME DOWN
FAR BELOW
WE’VE BEEN WAITING TO COLLECT WHAT YOU’VE LET GO
COME DOWN OH
COME DOWN OH
COME DOWN OH
COME DOWN OH
come down oh”

When Chester Bennington dies my partner & I are planning Perform/Transform, a festival to save the world. We are two of the most well-known & fondly regarded figures in our community full of prodigies and brilliant activists. They call us the President & 1st Boi of the World.  We are in the middle of an experience being called The Chicago Renaissance and the planet is in a turmoil never seen before. I watch “Good Goodbye” and rap every word, weeping uncontrollably.

My name is +, I am twenty-six years old, I am a wandering brown-skinned revolutionary* kin with empaths, sex workers, and some of the best rappers in the world, i am instrumental in the radical black community that brought the planet’s most celebrated young artists & community organizers to fruition. I have been vegan or vegetarian for most of the past decade* I direct a grassroots nonprofit garden in a food desert that is open to the community & respected & successful that I am branching into an organization of locally run farms and I run a wildly popular justice network that heals the way people deal with violence and communication. For free, anywhere, no money & no borders!

After walking out of the slave job and looking at the world around me with my brilliant eyes and deepened heart and wondering why everyone else hadn’t realized that we are already in a living utopia I gave my life to studying our persisting illusions. I have been building their ending.

PERFORM _ TRANSFORM rgb-1

Our festival is here to link people all over the world in expressing their wildest hopes & dreams in person and  via social media using the hashtag #nomoneynoborders! People are doing open mics, workshops,rock shows, meditation sessions and more! As a game, #nomoneynoborders utilizes accessibility & cutting edge technology to reward individuals for sharing their perspective of a free world in their own special way. It reunites folks beyond ethnicity, class, nationality, religion~ any of those contexts thrust upon us in the aftermath of scarcity & division that spoil the honeyed milk of creativity & culture.

With the power of #nomoneynoborders I declare A Thousand Suns and all of Linkin Park’s work as true and alive* my free world is IRIDESCENT, I free myself, Linkin Park fans all over the world, what they call God, and art, I free us all!! I play~ you play~ we grant ourselves freedom by taking it seriously as fun. You have our permission to play, to dream, and for your word to become real enough to save lives. Fuck a vote!

I know a lot of rappers who will play. They refer to their selves as God all the time in raps. What they’re actually saying is that they’re geeked about getting a higher than average amount of people to like them enough so that they can move around and express more freely. Art moves them through the scarcity & division, in that way it can be the most freeing thing we have. That’s why I followed it here. The power of music and poetry gives all people the extra confidence to call what they’re doing Godlike. But none of them are as made for this as I am. We really are giving you back the earth and truth.

I am The Catalyst: what some people characterize as a messiah or whatever. It’s not an accident or even a miracle. I and a lot of other people worked our entire lives so that this could happen. Still, if magic or god exists, it’s in me in this moment: the beginning of utopia.

(((One More Light)))

In utopia & beyond I will obviously still be really smart and nice and cool but we can all be at this level. We can figure things out from here. We have phones with cameras & searches that can focus on any object, person, or idea we see and show how much people Like and Love it! Like means they dig it, Love means it inspires them and they are dedicated to it. That’s enough. That’s all that matters. Fuck money.

And fuck borders! In utopia, the billions of children whose flesh is rotting in prisons and on dirt floors will be given energy and resources and they’ll become brilliant millennials in no time and we will solve every problem in front of us 😀 Including but not limited to: death (past present & future), rape, time travel, cancer, AIDS, HIV, black holes, climate change, racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, fat-shaming, animal slavery & cruelty, the death of bees, mass extinction, asteroid collision, the question of extraterrestrial life, and terraforming other planets.

This is what a free world looks like to me! I believe in you!

#nomoneynoborders

p.s. It’s not easy for me to write this to you. In some ways it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done~ Because I know the good that’s coming. But when I think about the past it makes my body stiffen and my teeth clench.

I have tried to come out like this before. In 2012, when my name changed, and in 2014 when I walked off that slave job thing. My consciousness awakened and I came out as a savior of humanity to my community, family, and friends. Many of them shunned me. So I worked harder!

I really love everybody and life and everything!! But money and borders have taken a toll on my emotions and my ability to relate to others. I have lowkey been an alcoholic and addicted to marijuana for the last two years. They were necessary and beneficial to me getting to this point. I kicked it with people, listened to music, and thought a lot. Got to process & feel some sense of progress and groundedness in participating in these rituals without the pressure taking a chronic toll on my body or relationships.

I want to be with you naturally, though. I need time to do yoga with you and cook and cook and cook and practice music and sprawl out and go swimming and make love and study science and admire Adventure Time and read about cool women and meet more women and men and anyone and animals and I want us to express ourselves about something then go build it together so I can relax even more and we can all be honest and go back to our families and make new families and be one big happy family 🙂

Love,

+

BLOG POST// Why I’m Leaving My Mother’s </3

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A year ago I stopped talking to my older brother after he promised to end his descent into drug addiction but failed to follow through. He has bullied, intimidated, and enacted violence upon me my entire life, my hope was to work on our relationship as he embraced emotional and physical sobriety. We only started communicating again after my grandmother fell and our family was heart-broken and afraid.

Since then, I have continued a variety of approaches to improve our relationship, including one-on-one conversations which most often deteriorated into him going on rambling monologues, sometimes yelling at me, sometimes yelling at others. I played communication games with him, which he rejected before completion and had our entire immediate family talk in a support circle during which he was curled up on a couch in his underwear (Though I was its facilitator we had all scheduled the meeting together.)

Whenever I hang out with him and his friends, I know that everyone in the room but me is a homophobe. So when I have attempted to experience his social circle, see what he sees, I am barraged by casual and overt insults against my identity, simple facts of the human race, and all of the people I care about and work for. More on that.

I stopped talking to him this year after a string of disastrous (hurtful to me, normal to him) interactions, that culminated in Paul ignoring the fact that I was clearly attempting to ignore him & escalating to screaming outside of my bedroom door and threatening to fuck me up for the rest of the day after I called my mother to calm him down. I didn’t go home for a few days, until my mother said she would take his behavior more seriously and let him know he could not threaten me.

A few days ago, after weeks of non-communication he was yelling outside of my door again despite my protests to please just leave me alone.

I have been having nightmares every night for the past two months where I am arguing with my family as they call me my dead name over and over again. The months before were dominated by dreams with my brother and I in a screaming match. Now I have both!

Two days ago I got in the car with my mother and she was on the phone with my grandmother. A week before my mom and I had argued all the way home from dinner about me not feeling respected by my family (including my grandparents) and not wanting to communicate with them because I felt belittled and hurt by them on a constant basis in terms of my sexuality, my life choices, my artistry, my politics, my name, my identity. The first thing my grandmother did was call me my dead name, fake correct herself, and then exert dominance over me.

Most of this is run-of-the-mill conservatism, but run-of-the-mill conservatism is the most dangerous, traumatic force on the planet. It codes its actions in everlasting “love” when it’s really a deep, burning hatred borne of fear. That is insane to behold, devastating to casually interact with, and it is too much for me to deal with right now in this place. Or just, not meant for me to deal with right now in this place. I got bigger tofu to fry.

Basically, these things are holding me back from being who I truly am and I have the confidence, knowledge, and connections intimate professional & tangential to make my dreams come true.

Here is my eight week plan:

I write this as a record and a spell to tell this history and seal it.

Write and complete my second novel, entitled Hateland
Enjoy, maintain, and utilize the Nightshow for good

by

a) Booking people and things I like
b) Using the Nightshow to promote #NoMoneyNoBorders games and thinking and speaking among the people who come to a cool show
c) Using the Nightshow to fund, benefit, and spread awareness of protecting people in our community with through F12 and conflict de-escalation & protecting and enjoying our Earth more through The Coop Op and growing your own food!!

Make a badass, galvanizing album called ~MILLION BEAM~ with songs that embody all of the above

Teach and promote my personal communication workshops and services

Explore opportunities to generate income from leading and organizing services through F12, The Cooperation Operation, and music.

Multiply all of the above for myself and others by [endless]ly using each endeavor to multiply awareness, effectiveness, and potential profitability of all of the above.

At the end of two months, I’ll look at my results and if no meaningful income-driven change has taken place I will get back to pursuing writing and education/teaching opportunities freelance and long-term *while maintaining my activity in all of the above.

Right now, I’m not making any money and I have none~ Can I stay with you for a week?

+

ESSAY// VIEWS: Album of the Year Edition

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“But unlike his earlier solo efforts, Sign “O” the Times wasn’t a record by an ambitious kid trying to make impression. At 28, Prince had already made himself into a pop superstar  (and movie star too), and he easily sold out arenas. In one sense, he had nothing to prove. Yet Sign “O” the Times is the most varied, accomplished record of his prime 1980s period, a testament to the range of his gifts and the bold artistic ambition that gave his music shape.” ~ Pitchfork

Previously.

The reason why it’s not STARBOY is because Drake isn’t sounding like Michael Jackson in the future, he’s sounding like Drake in the future. The reason why it’s not The Life of Pablo is because Views is easier to listen to. The reason why it’s not LEMONADE is because Views is easier to listen to. Drake is, if you want to listen to it that way, furious throughout for sure. Just like Pablo and Bey, Drake is terrified and at the end of his rope and fighting for his fucking life and the lives of his family and friends.

But he never screams his heart out or has a multi-part breakdown. He and his collaborators stay ice cold~ even the warmest, most bounciest beats have a grim determination undergirding them. There’s an unshakeable momentum to the music, a timely airtight-ness. VIEWS is the album that got humanity through this year, it’s the sound of the biggest star in the world on the eve of revolution.

The reason why it’s not Coloring Book is Drake doesn’t sound like Kanye anymore. I mean, everybody sounds like Kanye but Chance the Rapper REALLY sounds like Kanye; he sanded the edges off Graduation and brought it to the present. However, candy-coated Christianity can only take one so far in the real world and Lord knows it’s taken us far enough, thank you but please no thank you! Drake keeps it real. Chance’s “Blessings” aren’t actually coming for you: you’re not as handsome as he is and your dad isn’t friends with Obama. You’re not going to blow up without a record deal! But you might be able to get your ex back if you can grit your teeth for long enough through all of life’s beat changes and let da riddim guide you through the God-less, gunshotted summer. Better yet, you might even find someone new. Imagine that.

The reason why it’s not Solange is because that album is too slow. The reason why it’s not Blonde is because that album is too sad! The reason why it’s not your album is because your album isn’t this sexy or well-produced and it doesn’t have “Hotline Bling” as a bonus track.

More Life is on the way.